When Ghostwriting Turns into Coaching (Whether You Like It or Not)

“I really don’t feel comfortable speaking at this event. Let’s have someone else do it.”

That’s what a CEO told me after I’d ghostwritten their remarks for a high-stakes leadership conference.

At that moment, ghostwriter mode switched off. Coach mode kicked in.

This wasn’t just about writing—it was about coaching someone through a fundamental leadership challenge. And that’s when I realized: coaching only works if the person is open to it.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my Certified Executive Coaching training: for coaching to be effective, three things are required:

1. A big enough problem to address.
   Think: a CEO terrified of speaking in front of their senior leaders.

2. The person’s permission to be coached.
   This one’s huge. If they’re not open to coaching, you’re just talking at them.

3. The person’s excitement to work with you as a coach.
   If they’re not excited, you’re not going to get very far.

In-house coaching (especially with leaders) can be tricky, since most leaders don’t actively seek out coaching—they’re not exactly signing up for "How to Be a Better Boss" seminars. That’s why it’s crucial to ensure they’re ready for the process.

Here’s a quick tip: before jumping in with unsolicited advice, ask something like:

• “May I make an observation here?”

• “I have some insights that might be helpful. Would you be interested in exploring those?”

If the answer is no (or even a hesitant “maybe”), it’s time to step back. You can’t coach the uncoachable. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it might feel like they desperately need help. But if they’re not open to it, you’re just wasting your breath.

So, my advice? Exert your energies where the permission and excitement are present. Coaching can work wonders when it’s welcomed. When it’s not? You’ll do more harm than good.